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I prayed for this

Prayed for 36 times.

Leslie

I was always a happy church child when I was young. My great-grandmother was the first Deaconess to the Episcopal Church in New York. So when trouble started and my joy ended. My father (abandoned him and his brother and left with his sister. That started a desire in him to find women that loved him. I’ve been through a lot of therapy. From birth to 5 we spent a lot of time at my mom's parents' home in Long Island. We were a block and a half from the beach. I so identify with that sea water. That is the last peace I had. Developing distance between us, my mom and her parents let him to pursue the life he needed to fill the need of women. My mother as well knowing in her soul tried to hold on to this very charming man. My father was a handsome man and a great singer. He took voice lessons in New York from a famous opera singer. We suddenly moved from New York to Texas when I was 5. We were apart from anyone that could give us emotional help. Yes, my mom's mother had depression, but she always loved us. My dad managed to separate my mother and me. We never found peace and she passed in her 70s. This went on for years. We moved out of town in town 11 times by the time I was in the 10th grade. Anytime I felt stability or security, it was yanked away from me. I didn’t understand this as I was young. My mother would tell me that I ruined every day. I was emotionally abused and physically abused. And that’s what I gravitated towards thinking I could change it and I would be loved. But I know now that is abuse talking. There is so much more. I’ve always seen angels. I’ve always known and been told by the clergy of our churches that I am different and special. I feel a connection with Jesus. He always has comforted me thru tragedy. But my road has been long and unbearable. But I believed I was here for a reason I don’t understand. But now at almost 66 I am very tired of the fight. I’ve been tired for so long. When I was a teenager I prayed for God to let me come home. But he didn’t so I’m sure I have a purpose. I’m just not sure I have the strength. After losing my house and my 4 dogs dying (they were my emotional support since humans always hurt me). I was left with no comfort. My husband of 33 years attacked me. My neighbors we had been friends with all that time supported him. But I found crosses in the rubble. I saw angels everywhere in advertising, in shadows in my dreams, and the friendly guys who came by every week. They didn’t ask me to join their church. They just asked to pray for me. Otherwise I would be insane. After visiting my son in Tyler when it was time for me to go back to Austin, the song on KVNE came on. "You're not falling apart, you're falling into place." I moved to Tyler. But since I’ve been here there are numerous things that just pop up to make me give up. So many freak financial oddities. I try to recover and wham there comes another. I just know I’m very tired. I pray every day. And my first grandchild, Tate was born. They live near Austin, 4 hours away. I’ve only seen him once at 5 months old he is now 9 months old and pulling up and prepared to walk. My heart misses him immensely. I’m so lost. Trying to keep my head above water for over 50 years. I’m tired. Please pray for me.

Received: October 28, 2020

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