“I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in and stops my mind from wandering where it will go.” Lennon/McCartney
I’ve been thinking…
There’s a hole in my heart that only God can fill. I’ve heard it a million times. The trick is, while I’ve asked Him into my life, and He accepted my invitation, it didn’t end there. I continue to invite Him regularly. If I don’t routinely grab a hold of some kind of devotional, Bible study, teaching, music, program, or something pointing me to Jesus, I turn quickly. Ever so subtly, my intentions change. My reactions are more selfishly driven. My mood darkens. It may not happen quickly, but it happens.
After all these years, I’ve learned a little bit more about the nature of God. I’ve learned He’s often quiet in His ways. He changes my heart slowly. I don’t even know it’s happening most of the time until many years later. But my negative tendencies consistently push back and I fall into the same old traps.
They didn’t tell me that when I first signed up.
I don’t regret the decision for a minute, but it caught me off guard. I was under the impression it was a one-time fix all. I thought I would be at peace all the time. I thought all my selfish ways would go away. I thought everything would be “brighter.” I thought angels would sing. It’s easy to understand how a child could have such naive expectations.
I was 28.