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Goodbye Prius

Posted on January 3, 2018
By Mike Harper
Mike Harper
89.5 KVNE Mornings

A couple weeks ago, my little car was rammed from behind at about 55 mph. It’s a Prius, so of course it was totaled. So totaled. There was never any question. Poor little guy never had a chance. Is there any way a car can be MORE than totaled? Is this mathematically possible?

I never liked the Prius. Admittedly, it was reliable, not only for great mileage, but for great punch lines.

It was puny. It was wimpy. I barely kept my man card. To make matters worse, it had the misfortune of being the car to follow my 2000 Black Monte Carlo. Now THAT was a car. Next to the Monte, this go-cart was a sniveling math nerd next to the star quarterback.

But it was my car. For the past two and a half years, it got me back and forth from Forney to Tyler, to Keller to Southlake and back to Forney on a weekly basis. I put about 100,000 miles on it since it first silently coasted off the lot in July, 2015.

I won’t miss the road noise – I won’t miss the trucks sucking me into their lane as they pass on the interstate – I won’t miss the horn that sounds like a tiny kazoo.

But I will miss the material.

1) Q: What’s another word for a triple A battery?
A: A Prius upgrade

2) A Prius tried to race me from a stop sign the other day. I totally had it for the first 100 feet, but I can only walk so fast.

3) Mattel has come out with a new Ken doll with a man-bun. Prius sold separately.

You get the idea.

This little hybrid got me from point A to point B for 29 months. While I’m thankful for a working vehicle to get me back and forth to work, I have to be honest, and finally admit something here today.

I never really knew if it was running or not.

Tomorrow they’re towing it away. Yes, it’s bittersweet, but you know what?

Baby, you can have my car.

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