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Stand-Up Guy

Posted on September 7, 2021
By Mike Harper

Imagine a huge clothing store for women. Lois was excited. I was supportive. They had this cool mirror that made me look taller! I got… distracted.

Suddenly she’s gone. Vanished! I don’t dare search. I could get sucked into some lingerie area and die of mortification.

A saleslady came up to me, despite my prayers. Her southern accent was sweet as tea. “May I help you?”

“I’ve lost my wife.”

“Afraid I can’t help you, sugar. Perhaps you’d like to join those other despondent husbands on ‘The Bench’ over there.”

It was horrific. Four old guys (50-plus) slumped over, staring at their phones, barely breathing. One guy’s shirt had drool on it.

“Man. I don’t wanna be those guys.”

“I understand. Perhaps you’d like our “Husband Holding Area.”

These are men who want to be “go-with” guys, they just don’t have the stamina.

Bingo.

So, I stood in this little roped-off area with other well-meaning guys. They had golf on TV to make us feel normal.

Soon Lois returned. “Miss me?” She cooed lovingly with her giant garment bag.

“Absolutely!” I sighed, a tear rolling down my cheek. “Just in time! One more minute of golf and I might’ve succumbed to “The Bench.”

Never!

“Husbands, love your wives.” Ephesians 5:25

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