Mourning While Joyful?
Posted on October 11, 2019
By Nikki Martinez

A month…

A month ago our precious new addition to our family came into the world and changed A LOT for us (we knew this would happen). And so far, Little Lady Izzy has tested our sleep schedule, yet made us smile so much our cheeks hurt at times. She has mainly slept, ate, and pooped, but in between those 3 constants, has become more alert and interested in the world around her.

Not only has she grown, but we’ve grown in the process. And even though we knew some of things that would stretch us (thank you baby books, friends, and family for the heads-up), there have been a handful of things that have been surprises!

 

One of those such things…the feeling, the emotion, of mourning.

 

You may think I’m CRAZY to say both Nathan and I have had a moment or 2 of mourning. And no, there was no physical loss that we’ve gone through in becoming parents (losing a child, miscarriages, etc.). The mourning I’m talking about is something I don’t think is talked about too often…but should be. It’s the mourning of your old life, a life of no kids, a life of just you and your spouse and the freedoms that come with that.

Again, this may sound bizarre and you’re thinking, “Nikki, there should be NO reason you’re sad for having a healthy, happy baby girl (especially when others pray and hope for that)!” And I will say that we mentally and logically know we’re blessed to have Isabella and the joys she already brings to our lives. But I’m going to tell you that, without either of us really thinking about it, the mourning emotions, the sadness, just dropped on us.

 

These emotions messed with our day, felt very overwhelming, and even made us feel like “bad parents!”

 

And sadly, it can make you feel that way too. And seeing not too many friends of mine had talked about this beforehand, I felt even worse about it. But then, a few days after feeling these feelings, we had some friends bring food over. I confided in my mom-friend about this emotional bomb that was dropped, and thankfully she verified that my feelings didn’t make me a “bad parent.” That feeling of mourning made me human, and SATAN was making me feel bad for having those emotions.

I mean,┬áthink about it for a second: you had this life which, you could go anywhere, do anything, and your schedule was your own. And then a child, a mini person, comes into your life, and you are limited in where you go, what you do, or even how you sleep, eat, and handle other everyday activities. The world changes, and there is no going back! There are emotions attached to all different changes in life, and this is a MASSIVE one…so how could you NOT feel a little sad or mournful of the “old life.”

So I’m here to tell you, if you’ve had these feelings, or if you have them in the future, you are NOT alone! The mourning of your old life, your pre-baby days, does NOT make you a “bad parent” or a bad person…it makes you human. Just make sure those feelings don’t over-shadow the joyous moments that DO come with having a kid – you don’t want to miss those!

 

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